守貞 – 我的感恩辯白

守貞 – 我的感恩辯白*

榮‧羅海瑟神父著**
許建德譯

身為一名發過誓願的修道獨身者，我非常清楚在今天這個世界裡，無論是出於宗教性的承諾或是其它的原因，守貞者都一直被猜疑、被攻擊，對這些評擊好像也沒有做出什麼辯解。

我自己相信修道的獨身生活（consecrated celibacy）有什麼價值嗎？對這個問題要給出真正的答案，唯有從我自己的生命經驗說起。當今大部分的人相信守貞是一種幼稚的行為，與「性是美事」的看法背道而馳，守貞者無法具備完全的人性（less than fully human），也是現代羅馬天主教會性侵危機的根本原因。對這些看法，什麼是我的回應？我有什麼辯解嗎？

首先，戀童癖並非出於守貞。幾乎所有的實驗研究都指出戀童癖的診斷與守貞無關。不過這樣說了之後，我還是先把守貞的缺點指出來：為一般人而言，守貞並非常態（normal state）。當天主創造了第一對男女的時候，祂說：「人單獨不好。」這句話不單單是講論群體在我們生命組成中所占的位置（the constitutive place of community within our lives），很清楚地，它其實要指出的是：性的基本美好，以及天主願意性在我們生命中所要有的地位。依此而論，做為一個無性生活的人，特別是一個志願守貞的人，的確是問題重重。禁欲可能引起一個人在性與人際關係上有不良的理解，因之變得冷酷無情的喜歡批評人。同樣可想而知的，禁欲也可能讓一個人反而成天想著性事，因之找機會發展出某些親密的關係，而終究做出辜負大家信任的行為。另外一個比較不被注意，但卻是更大的危險，就是禁欲可以造成一個人的自私。簡單的說，沒有了婚姻生活以及養兒育女的許多義務，一個禁欲的人始終有一個危險，那就是無意識地變成只為了自己而活。

所以不是任何人都適合獨身的，事實上，許多人都不適合。禁欲本身就是異常的。修道的獨身生活不單單是不同的生活方式而已，從它所要求的極大的犧牲，如同亞巴郎上山去犧牲愛子依撒格一樣，犧牲掉你生命中最珍貴的一部分，這一點來看，守貞生活是異常的。牟敦（Thomas Merton）有一次在反省他自己的守貞生活時，這樣說：「在我的貞潔奉獻中，少了女人是個缺憾（The absence of woman is a fault in my chastity）。」但是為一個守貞者，就像亞巴郎一樣，守貞可以是非常有意義，而且飽含了它創造新生命的潛能（potential for generativity）。

我相信，如同評論音樂和宗教一樣，評論修道的獨身生活時，不要只憑一些反常的例子，也要看些最好的表現。不要只看那些不健全的人，更要看許多善良的男女、古今的聖人聖女，他們給守貞生活注入了豐富的創新意義，激勵了多少世人。我們可以舉出許多如許的例子，像德肋撒修女、羅梅洛主教（Oscar Romero）、白朗神父（Raymond E. Brown）、Helen Prejean 修女等只是少數的幾位。我就認得許多位這樣的守貞者，他們的健全人格是我羨慕不已的，因為他們的緣故，讓守貞生活不只值得信靠，而且引人入勝。

類似於婚姻生活，但是又有所不同，獨身生活也有許多親密和創新的豐富潛力。身為一個發願的守貞者，我感恩有機會能夠親密地進入許多人的生命當中。當我年輕參加無玷聖母獻主會（Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate）的時候，我承認我當時並不想過一個獨身的生活。沒有人應該想獨身吧。 我那時想成為一個傳教士、當一名司鐸，守貞卻是這個聖召的絆腳石。後來一進了修會，我立刻就愛上了修會生活，只是仍然不喜歡獨身要求的這部份。因為對獨身生活還有猶豫，有兩次我拖延了、沒發終身願。到最後我終究還是做了決定，下了一個天大的決心，發了終身願。我在這裡可以完全公開的說，在我五十多年的修道生活中，獨身生活是特特別別、最困難的部分 … 但是同時它也為我的參與這個世界以及人們的生命，鋪了一條特別的通道，讓我能夠更豐盛的付出和服務。

天主賦予的自然欲望：想要有性事的親熱、有情感上的獨有、有婚姻的溫床、有滿堂的兒孫，這樣的欲望一直都存在著，本來也應當如此。但是獨身生活在我的生命中帶來一個豐盛、連貫、而且深邃的親密感。反省我的獨身聖召，我真正感到的只有無限的感恩。

不是任何人都適合獨身的：它讓你與常人有異；有時候似乎是特別的不公平；它充滿了危險，從辜負了大家的信任、到度著一個自私的生活；它也是貞潔中的一個缺憾 ——但是如果能夠忠誠地把它活出來，它可以帶來絕妙的創新力，而且也不會讓你失去生命中真正的親密與快樂。

* 榮‧羅海瑟神父這篇文章原以“Celibacy – A Personal Apologia”為題，2019年2月11日發表在他個人的網站上，之後，在2月14日以“Why I Feel Grateful?”出版於 Catholic Herald。所以在翻譯時，把這兩個文題合併在一起。
**榮‧羅海瑟神父（Ronald Rolheiser, O.M.I.)是加拿大人，無玷聖母獻主會（Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate）會士。神學學者與靈修作家，著有《四碎之燈：重新發現天主的臨在》（The Shattered Lantern: Rediscovering A Felt Presence of God）、《靈魂的渴望：細說基督徒靈修》（The Holy Longing: The Search for a Christian Spirituality）等書。

CELIBACY – A PERSONAL APOLOGIA
FEBRUARY 11, 2019

As a vowed, religious celibate I‘m very conscious that today celibacy, whether lived out in a religious commitment or in other circumstances, is suspect, under siege, and is offering too little by way of a helpful apologia to its critics.

Do I believe in the value of consecrated celibacy? The only real answer I can give must come from my own life. What’s my response to a culture that, for the most part, believes celibacy is both a naiveté and a dualism that stands against the goodness of sexuality, renders its adherents less than fully human, and lies at the root of the clerical sexual abuse crisis within the Roman Catholic Church? What might I say in its defence?

First, that celibacy isn’t a basis for pedophilia. Virtually all empirical studies indicate that pedophilia is a diagnosis not linked to celibacy. But then let me acknowledge its downside: Celibacy is not the normal state for anyone. When God made the first man and woman, God said: “It is not good for the human being to be alone.” That isn’t just a statement about the constitutive place of community within our lives (though it is that); it’s a clear reference to sexuality, its fundamental goodness, and its God-intended place in our lives. From that it flows that to be a celibate, particularly to choose to be one, comes fraught with real dangers. Celibacy can, and sometimes does, lead to an unhealthy sense of one’s sexual and relational self and to a coldness that’s often judgmental. It can too, understandably, lead to an unhealthy sexual preoccupation within the celibate and it provides access to certain forms of intimacy within which a dangerous betrayal of trust can occur. Less recognized, but a huge danger, is that it can be a vehicle for selfishness. Simply put, without the conscriptive demands that come with marriage and child-raising there’s the ever-present danger that a celibate can, unconsciously, arrange his life too much to suit his own needs.

Thus celibacy is not for everyone; indeed it’s not for the many. It contains an inherent abnormality. Consecrated celibacy is not simply a different lifestyle. It’s anomalous, in terms of the unique sacrifice it asks of you, where, like Abraham going up the mountain to sacrifice Isaac, you’re asked to sacrifice what’s most precious to you. As Thomas Merton, speaking of his own celibacy, once said: “The absence of woman is a fault in my chastity.” But, for the celibate as for Abraham, that can have a rich purpose and contain its own potential for generativity.

As well, I believe that consecrated celibacy, like music or religion, needs to be judged by its best expressions and not by its aberrations. Celibacy should not be judged by those who have not given it a wholesome expression but by the many wonderful women and men, saints of the past and present, who have given it a wholesome and generative expression. One could name numerous saints of the past or wonderfully healthy and generative persons from our own generation as examples where vowed celibacy has made for a wholesome, happy life that inspires others: Mother Teresa, Oscar Romero, Raymond E. Brown, and Helen Prejean, to name just a few. Personally, I know many very generative, vowed celibates whose wholesomeness I envy and who make celibacy credible – and attractive.

Like marriage, though in a different way, celibacy offers a rich potential for intimacy and generativity. As a vowed celibate I am grateful for a vocation which has brought me intimately into the world of so many people. When I left home at a young age to enter the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate, I confess, I didn’t want celibacy. Nobody should. I wanted to be a missionary and a priest and celibacy presented itself as the stumbling block. But once inside religious life, almost immediately, I loved the life, though not the celibacy part. Twice I delayed taking final vows, unsure about celibacy. Eventually I made the decision, a hard leap of trust, and took the vow for life. Full disclosure, celibacy has been for me singularly the hardest part of my more than fifty years in religious life … but, but, at the same time, it has helped create a special kind of entry into the world and into others’ lives that has wonderfully enriched my ministry.

The natural God-given desire for sexual intimacy, for exclusivity in affection, for the marriage bed, for children, for grandchildren, doesn’t leave you, and it shouldn’t. But celibacy has helped bring into my life a rich, consistent, deep intimacy. Reflecting on my celibate vocation, all I may legitimately feel is gratitude.

Celibacy isn’t for everyone. It excludes you from the normal; it seems brutally unfair at times; it’s fraught with dangers ranging from serious betrayal of trust to living a selfish life; and it’s a fault in your very chastity – but, if lived out in fidelity, it can be wonderfully generative and does not exclude you from either real intimacy or real happiness.

https://catholicherald.co.uk/why-i-feel-grateful/ published in Catholic Herald 2/14/2019